Monday Morning Me

A new week has begun and I checked back at the calendar to find myself wondering how I intended to do all of this.  I have so many deliverables at work, 15 end of year reviews to do, and a bunch of job interviews to prepare for.  I better start figuring it out, right?

Around the house - this week I get a break.  Monday is a holiday so there is no work, no dance, no school, and no CCD.  Thinking how I can bribe my work, the school, and dance class to do more holidays like these. 

What my kids are doing - Kelly started a new dance class a few weeks ago and really liked it. It's new for her because it's hip hop and the group is much older than she is used to.  I am hoping she finds her rhythm. So far she is keeping up.  Varsity baseball is coming up and I understand the team is thirsty for a thin, fast junior to start at left field.  Any idea who they might have in the line up?  I do.

I'm noticing - How much my house has been screaming for a new paint job.  I don't know how I have lasted these past 8 years without it but it needs it desperately and I am starting to see paint cans around here.  We are moving in the right direction.

I am proud of - A few people for making good choices.  Kevin called me the other day on the phone.  That in and of itself makes me happy. He was talking about his classes and his schedule and it looks like he is getting a lot of studying time in which makes me double happy.  He told me he will not pursue intramural baseball because of his studies.  Another good choice. Then there is Ryan.  I am noticing more studying and better grades and college brochures.

Did you know? - I am coming up to a 10 year wedding anniversary.  More to come on that but a little birdie whispered to me that 10 years is not diamond.  It's coach purse!  I hope someone mentioned that to the hubby.

On my table - 5 pint size paint cans in different colors.  Did I mention how happy I am to be painting the inside of this house.  Oh and I get a double bonus. We are going to be painting the outside of the front door too!  I have always disliked that color.

Good thoughts - This may sound superficial but I love my bootcamp class mainly because my friends who go are so much better than me.  Most people might get discouraged but I don't.  I just use it as a way to keep up and that makes me push myself harder.  I just wish my knees worked better.

Mother Duckie

On my way to work this morning I saw one of the cutest scenes I had seen in quite some time. 

The scene was of a mother duck walking with about 10 of her little baby ducklings running right behind her.  At first it struck me because I can never get enough of little baby ducklings. They are so cute and tiny and yellow.  They walk with their tiny feet so fast in an effort to keep up with their momma making sure to never get lost behind.  They all go in the same direction.  Not one ever strays or rebels.

The momma inevitably walks with pride. She is so gigantic compared to the babies but she walks slowly so they don't get too far behind.  Occasionally she stops and looks back in order to make sure no one got lost.  She is very protective so you probably shouldn't mess around with her or something bad might happen.

Eventually she waddles her way to a canal, hops in, and the babies follow.  Content.

At first I was fascinated because of the cuteness of it all but then after they waddled off I couldn't help to think how much this scenario mirrors that of us human moms.  I totally related to this duck! 

At first I only had one little duckling. 

Then there was a second.

 

Then 3.

And then there were 4. 

When they were tiny humans they followed me around wherever I went.  They went in my direction.  They didn't stray or rebel. 

So many times I looked back to check to see if they were still there and didn't get lost.  Many times I found myself having to protect them from the nasty elements.  I got myself in a few fights but that's what us mommas do.  We fight for our ducklings proudly and fiercely and we don't apologize for it.

Eventually our ducklings grow up and leave the nest just like those little ducklings will eventually do.  And maybe she will look back and relish on the days when her babies followed her around, paid attention, and shared love.

Embrace Changing Relationships

The new year always brings about fresh changes, ideas, and goals. At least it does for me.  Every year I set forth at least 50 goals.  No lie!  This year is no exception.  So I wrote them down and am in the process of creating an action plan for them which is always the exciting part for me.

But somewhere along the way during these holidays I started to reflect about the past few years and how scurried life has become in my home.  I have always felt really uncomfortable about the chaos especially since I don't think a lot of it is positive.  Much of it causes stress and weariness on me which I know reflects on my family which generally takes us to a place I don't care to be. 

I started thinking about how I can ease back on the stress and create more of a work life balance.  Reflecting on this then made me start thinking about new goals and new outlook.  I want our lives to be more easy going and memorable.  I want to do more with my family and spend more quality time with them.  I want to enjoy the laughs and the smiles and the little things like watching them play around the house or outside in the yard.

So in the spirit of making myself accountable for all of my new found goals and outlooks I thought I would share them here on my blog so I can hear any and all comments and gain new perspectives and look at my progress along the way.  One of my first and most important new year goals is:

Embrace Changing Relationships

I realized that I need to start creating new relationships with my older kids.  They are no longer little kids who need my constant direction and oversight.  They are young adult men who I gave wings to and now it's time to let them fly.

 One of them is in college and one is shortly there.  They no longer need me to tell them the difference between right and wrong.  I have been doing that for 18 years now and while I will always be there to step in and assist them, I have to trust that they learned something from my direction.  So this is a new experience for me going from being a mommy to being a friend.  I had a talk with my oldest the other day about this and how much I enjoy sitting and talking with him and how much fun he is to be around.  It's such a new dynamic for us...actually CHOOSING to be together rather than defaulting to be together.  It's one of the lessons of motherhood that no one ever told me about and something I never really thought of until he went away to college and suddenly I found myself wondering how to cope with him being an adult and away from me. 

So as I learn and grow through this transition I am pretty certain that we will stumble and fall every now and then and that's ok. I won't be too hard on any of us.  I will just take it as a new journey in life,enjoy all of life's moments,  and pray that God will be watching over us.

When They Were Mine....

Years ago when I first became a mother and then eventually became a mother again 3 times more, I thought it was the hardest yet most rewarding job in the world.  I loved being a mom but you know how tough 2 am feedings are and long nights of 5th grade math and being up day and night while they suffer from fever and chicken pox.  The potty training and learning how to walk and making sure the house is baby proofed.  Then there is remembering the tooth fairy and playing Santa Claus and wiping tears when they scrape their knee or have to go to bed with no dessert.  The late night school projects are tough as are worrying about them when they drive your car on their own for the first time.  Their first heartbreak is brutal as is waiting for those SAT scores. 

But all of those necessary tasks and worries are nothing compared to how difficult it is when you have to say goodbye to your child as he goes to college.  I have done it and thus far it has not gotten easier.  I give myself these pep talks that say things like "don't forget he is getting a good education" and "he will be back before you know it".  I start planning out what my next care package will be and what the birthday gift is that I will be sending him.  I schedule days in my calendar that will be good to skype.  I do all of that because it makes me feel a little bit better and a little less lonely while he is away. 

Giving our kids roots and wings is the best thing we can do for them but watching them use those wings to fly is by far the toughest job of all.

First College Semester

It's so funny.  In August when I handed my first born baby boy off to the major university that would now be known as his home away from home, I never imagined myself to feel as lonely without him as I did and do.  It probably seems obvious to the casual observer that I would have these feelings but when one is in the thick of it it's easy to not realize.

Let's face it.  Kids are usually off to college mentally even before they physically go off to college.  Mine was no different. I could tell.  The day after he graduated he was outfitted in his new university's latest garb and talking all summer about what he was going to pack and what his dorm room was going to look like. 

And now that the first semester is over I am learning to love and cherish the little time I have with him even on the extended breaks.  I cherish the new rare dinner where all 6 of us are gathered around the table.  I have learned to communicate more by text message or on facebook.  Life isn't how it used to be when I went to school but times have changed and I am adjusting.  I admit it's hard to get used to but I also realize that this is what growing is all about, isn't it?

Most Delicious Banana Chocolate Chip Bread Ever!

If you smell banana bread in my house it usually means one thing.  My oldest boy who goes to college is either on his way home or his mom is getting ready to send a care package.  I don't know when he started loving my banana bread. He was never a banana lover.  But one thing is for sure...he cannot get enough of this banana bread. And in all honesty neither can anyone else in the house.  It is THAT good.

Many people ask me to post the recipe and I have since agreed.  So without further hesitation, here is the recipe for the most delicious banana bread ever.

(This recipe is for 2 loaves)

1 1/4 cups sugar
1/2 cup margarine or butter, softened
2 eggs
1 1/2 cup mashed ripe bananas (3 to 4 medium)
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup chocolate chips (or more depending how chocolatey you like it)
add 1 cup nuts if desired

Heat oven to 350.
Grease bottom of two loaf pans.  (I usually use a glass loaf pan because it cooks more evenly).
Mix sugar and margarine in large bowl. 
Stir in eggs until well blended. 
Add bananas, milk, and vanilla.   Beat until smooth. 
Stir in flour, baking soda, and salt until incorporated.
 Fold in chocolate chips and nuts. 
Pour into loaf pan. 

Cook about 1 hour or until toothpick comes out clean. 
Cool 5 minutes.

Enjoy!!

Dealing with Henoch-Schonlein Purpura (HSP)

A little over 3 weeks ago my 6 year old little man started complaining about an ache in his groin area.  Because he is known for taking lots of spills on the playground I wasn't too alarmed.  I took a peek and found a very alarming site. His testicles were beet red and had grown to about twice their normal size.  Coincidentally the air conditioning was out at his school on this day and it was overly hot in the school.  I thought maybe it was some kind of a heat rash.  I asked him if he fell on the playground or if someone kicked him and he said no on both counts.  He wasn't complaining too much that it hurt.  Still I was worried.

I sent him to bed and decided that if they are the same way in the morning I would take him over to his doctor to check it out.  Unfortunately nothing changed overnight so off to the doctor we went.  When the doctor looked at it she did not suspect anything unusual but that maybe he did get hit and this was normal swelling and bruising.  After completing an ultrasound to make sure there was nothing internal, the doctor could not find anything wrong on the inside.  Such a mystery.  The doctor cleared him and I took him back to school.

Several hours later when I picked him up from school as I do every day I took him home and lifted him up on the counter to look again at his private area.  What I saw was horrific and shocking.

His legs were literally covered with these spots!  They were bright red and slightly bumpy but did not hurt or itch.  In all of my 18 years of having kids I have never seen anything like this.  As you can imagine I freaked out and immediately took him to his after hours doctor. 

When we got to the doctor's office they ran a blood test and a urine test.  I couldn't imagine what they were looking for but all of the worst thoughts ran through my head.  I heard words like "checking red blood cell count" and "protein in the urine"...words that would make any mother want to faint.  I waited patiently as the doctor finally came back in to tell me that the blood is good and urine is clear. "Thank God" I thought although I had no idea what any of that meant other than clear and good are words I thought were positive.  And then the doctor told me what it was:

Henoch-Schonlein Purpura (HSP)

"Say what?  How do you spell that doctor?"  Henoch-Schonlein Purpura.  Let's just call it HSP.   The after hours doctor was so sweet.  He is semi retired.  Old school.  As I was scrambling for my web browser on my blackberry to google this he was opening a book for me to read.  "This is a vasculitis and here is what it looks like".  He showed me a picture of what looks exactly like my child's legs. 

My next question is "ok where did it come from and how do we get rid of it".  The answer was "we don't know and we don't know".  Great.  I know nothing. 

Since this was the after hours doctor he recommended that since my son was not in any discomfort that I make an early appointment the next day with his regular doctor and discuss further treatments and follow up.  I do that and the next day when we go back to the doctor we get a better understanding that HSP is a vasculitis which most likely stemmed from a reaction to an insect bite.  HSP occurs when the immune system goes haywire.  The result is an inflammation of the blood vessels in the skin which get red and can bleed.  It can accompany joint pain and in some extreme cases can affect the kidneys.  While the HSP was in active mode we had to go regularly to the doctor to have his urine tested for protein. Fortunately all of those tests turned out negative.

What I also learned is that HSP can appear in varying degrees.  Some people have severe symptoms and others do not.  I was going to have to monitor my little guy to see where he would be on the scale.

The first 5-6 days of the HSP were particularly terrible.  He started to experience joint pain, swollen feet, swollen ankles, and swollen knees.  My usually tough guy was reduced to tears and on a few nights it was so bad he could not walk because his feet hurt so bad.  When I would sense that he was experiencing pain I would give him some advil which contains ibuprofen.  This seemed to help him somewhat and since I didn't know much about this condition I was learning as I went along.

Each day brought us a slew of new spots just as the old ones were clearing up and every day there was some kind of joint pain.  After trial and error I figured out that I would have to give him advil when he woke up in the morning and then again around 4 pm.   This made the most sense to me since I was trying to control the inflammation and discomfort and tried to get ahead of the symptoms rather than wait until they got to be too much to tolerate.  At night I would raise his feet on a pillow when he went to bed or if he was laying on the couch. I am not sure if this was a help to him but it kept him comfortable and that was my main goal.

The HSP remained active for the next 3 weeks and it was just last week that I noticed no more red spots and the joint pain was lessening.  I started to dial back the advil and stopped the 4 pm dose.  I was then going to monitor his pain level when I picked him up from school just to be sure.  Fortunately at this point it looked like we were on the downside of this condition.  After a few days I decided to start dialing back the morning advil dose.  And so here we are 5 days with no advil and the spots are nearly all gone.  My little man seems to be back to his old self.

A few things I have learned about this awful condition:
1.  No one really knows what causes it to happen.
2.  No one can really say how long it will last.
3.  The best treatment is to treat the symptoms.
3.  A large percentage of cases will recur.
4.  HSP occurs more often in children than adults.
5.  The urine must be checked because if proteins are found they need to be treated with a steroid to avoid kidney damage.

I feel much more prepared in case there is a recurrence.  For now I feel thankful that we got through these last few weeks and my little boy is back.

Howdy Visitor

I get hundreds of visitors to this blog every day. No lie! It's been going on for a few years.  No lie! They even come when I don't post anything.  I find this phenomenon to be fascinating.  I know the number of visitors because I have a counter on my blog that gives me daily stats.  The numbers usually go up around major holidays and I have visitors from all over the globe.

So the big question is what are they coming to look at?  Quite frankly they are coming to look at this post.  And this one.  They want to make a rue (or is it roux?).  So they go to google and type in the word "rue" or "how to make a rue" and my blog is the first entry on google to appear.  Isn't that funny?  So my visitors hit my blog and watch the video of how to make a "rue".  Sometimes they even post a comment thanking me.

I have also had people criticize me for misspelling the word "rue" but I don't change it because everyone who googles "how to make a rue" also misspells the word.  Hence that is how they hit my blog.

I have tried over time to get the people who go to my rue posts to burn my feed and stick around for other blog posts.  I am not sure if they do that but I don't think so because I am getting substantially fewer hits on my other posts.

Either way if you read this I hope you stick around or burn my feed in a reader and come back and visit.  There are lots of good things going around here...my oldest is coming home next week from college for the first time since the Fall semester started and there are many others fun things going on with my other peanuts. 

Unless you want to make a rue.  You can find that here too.

Age Gap

A lot of people often ask me how things run in my family having two older teenagers (18 and 16) and two small children (8 and 6).  The truth is that I never really have given it a second thought and not something I go around consciously thinking about.  There are definite advantages as well as disadvantages to having kids with a 10 year separation.

In the beginning when the older ones were younger it seemed to be much easier.  The younger ones were babies and therefore didn't have opinions on where we should go and what we should do.  The older ones were much more attentive and loving to the babies.  They were at the age where they were capable of helping me out with small tasks around the house like collecting laundry, getting me a baby bottle, and helping me with anything I needed.  Of course as they grew up into high school teens that all changed and suddenly they had their own lives.

As you can imagine the desires of teenagers of which restaurant to go to, what movie to see, and what place to visit on vacation can vary dramatically from the desires of young kids.  The teens don't necessarily want to go on It's a Small World and the young ones don't want to go on Space Mountain. 

A lot of times the young ones act "silly" and the older ones can no longer relate even though they were just as "silly" when they were that age.  The older ones don't remember when they begged to go to Chuckie Cheese but they did and can no longer understand the desire of the little ones to go there now.

The older ones are less tolerant now that they are older and "know better."  They often ask me "why don't you just punish them when they get loud and scream and run around in a vortex?"  I remind them that I did the same with them when they were this age.  They don't seem to recall or believe me.

But then there will be the times when we are at my littlest one's t-ball game and his older brothers (who play high school baseball) are cheering for him and offering him hints of advice.  Watching this phenomenon in action is indeed a rare scene but when it does happen it makes me feel so good inside.  Sure I wish it would happen more often but when it does I relish in it and enjoy it.

I Just Called To Say......I Love You

so the song goes....

Most of the conversations I have had over the past few years with my oldest college teenager have not exactly been about the latest news, politics, or weather. In fact most conversations have a lot to do with what he needs, when he needs it, and how much it is going to cost me. If you can relate to this you must have a teenager in the house or remember life when you were one.

The past few years of my life with him have been me trying to figure out how to engage him in REAL conversation about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But nothing ever seemed to work. It was frustrating at times and at times I would try to remember what a good friend said to me once: "Your teenagers mentally will leave you and sometimes for several years and then one day they return and you will wonder where they have been". I laugh saying that because I have been living it and it is so true. They do mentally check out and then one day they seem to check back in.

Such was my experience today. The ever-growing college boy who is in the "checked out" stage called me on the phone. Here is how our conversation went:

Me: Hey guy, how are you?
Him: Hey Mom, how's it going?
Me: Great here except I miss you.
Him: I miss you too.
Me: What ya been up to?
Him: Not much. School's good.
Me: Ok. Whatchya calling for?
::pause waiting for the "I need (fill in the blank)" request::
Him: No reason... just to see how you are doing. I love you mom.
Me: I love you too.

and then we went on to talk about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And it felt really great.

What To Expect When...

In 1993 when my first son was born I received a gift from a friend who was a new mom herself. It was a book called "What To Expect When You Are Expecting". If you are a mom surely you know this book. The series continues with "What To Expect In the First Year" and then "What To Expect The Toddler Years". So imagine my surprise when I looked for "What To Expect When Your Child Goes To College". Guess what? The book doesn't exist.

I sure could have used a book this last August when I dropped my newborn baby from 1993 off to college. I don't think I expected anything except for one thing....lots and lots of tears.

It's funny. During the drive back home after leaving him I thought a lot back to when my parents dropped me off at college. I was so excited and happy and joyful at what lay ahead. A new chapter in my life. I couldn't understand when my Dad divulged to me that my Mom cried the entire drive home. It seemed odd to me. After all, I was very happy so why was she so sad. I think that's when it dawned on me that her sadness wasn't about me but about her. I suddenly became my Mom. That Mom. Every Mom who drops her child off at school.

My tears weren't about him. They were about me and how much I would miss him and how much I would love to still be holding him in my arms and feeding him his bottle and watching him make cute little faces with his chubby cheeks. When people ask me about him and how he is doing up at college I always tell them how much he likes it there. And then I tell them how much I miss him. And then I cry.

Killer Bootcamp

Why does it seem that every week the bootcamps I go to are always harder than the prior week? Am I not getting better and therefore they shouldn't be as hard or are the exercises getting harder and I am struggling just as much to keep up?

Regardless, they are killer and very difficult to get through. But I suppose that is the whole point, right? I mean if they were easy who would get results?

Two things remain the same. The first is that no matter how hard the exercises are I always struggle through them but then feel amazing afterward. Yeah I might feel a little sore but overall my senses are stronger. My legs feel stronger. My heart feels better. I feel like I can breathe easier. I just feel awakened.

The second thing is that I love the people that I exercise with. It's like as if we all share the struggle. When one of us is wheezing, the other one is talking the other through it because we all know what it feels like. There have been days when I have come to bootcamp feeling like death warmed over and then there are times when I have felt ready to kick it. So I know the struggles and I know how others feel when they are not feeling so well either.

It's so great when we can all share the highs and the lows and can help keep each other going. That's the beauty of bootcamps.

Friday - Photo of the Week

That was then:

This is now:

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Graduation Day

Last Friday was my oldest baby boy's high school graduation. Of course he is no longer my baby boy standing at 5'9" tall. But he is my baby just the same.

He is my first born so to me that will always be something special. When he was born I went through all of the same thoughts that I am sure every mom goes through. Such as....

How much will I be in love with him?



or will he get along with his siblings?



or how special will it be on his First Holy Communion?



or how will I cope with his injuries?



or what kind of sports will he play?



or who will he take to the prom?



or how will I feel when I see him in his cap and gown?



They truly grow right before your eyes and every wonderment I have is followed by a wonderful memory. With my new graduate I feel blessed to have stockpiled 18 years of these memories. Congratulations to my boy and to all of the graduates and moms out there who survived all of the questions with beautiful answers.